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Enjoy this.

An affirmation my therapist shared with me to enjoy liminal moments, like making a cup of tea or sitting in your car. For me, however, the affirmation comes to mind moreso when I'm on the brink of a mental overload. 

My baby is on my chest disputing the nap she desperately needs because she's overtired. She's squirming, rolling around, standing up, sitting down, la lalalallalalalal going nuts, and right as my patience is about to run low.. 

 Enjoy this. 

 She is the light of my life. She's silly, and energetic, and playful and curious, everything I could ever love wrapped up in a 14 month old. All of a sudden, whatever is about to turn in my chest, transmutes. Amazing how a couple of words can flip a moment. 

 I've been in the weeds with publishing and the redesign. Here's a sneak peek at my to-do list:

- Input all updated design graphics into the guitar apps

- Minor redesigns for those apps, then to update

- Redesign social media graphics

- Find 6 more testers for Uke+

- Redesign blog

- Put time into Rec Center project (websit, new app)

The list goes on. And similarly, as I find myself as I'm dragging and dropping, updating codes, running into publishing hurdles, the second level to the same problems I encountered last year, that same phrase pops up:

Enjoy this. 

Enjoy not having a deadline. Enjoy designing on your terms. Enjoy cultivating a vision for the future. Enjoy having enough time to spend all day with your baby, that you have the privilege to spend every waking moment with her without having to worry about day to day things like I use to. 

I'm so grateful for this project, and it is a lot of fun. There are times when I bring my nerves to the edge over it, but that's only because I care, and it's wonderful to have something to care about to that degree. I am somebody who thinks, probably too much. To some, emotions are like the weather... they come and go. That's true too, but to me, emotions are information. Everything is information. Everything is data, and my mind automatically analyzes, compares, finds patterns, finds beauty. It's maddening at times, but it's also something I can bring myself to feel utmost gratitude for.... and it's why I can do what I'm doing. It's why I can persist, and why it's taken me so damn long to just find the thing I like to do and what makes me happy. 

My ultimate goal is to serve. To help others. To give back in some way, but the only way I'm going to effectively do that is by first finding what brings me joy. Here I am in a beautiful home, with the man I love, a wonderful child. To have that is enough. But now to have some sort of path, although uncertain, but to just have this privilege to work on something to get my nonstop ticking mind to double down on and tune in on, it's therapeutic. 

I'm sure recruiters are laughing at me when I throw my application at their product jobs. Whatever. Right now is ok. Having this is ok. June is coming, hell, I'll do tarot readings to make up the subscription. I just want to keep it going.

Once the redesign is wrapped up, I'd like to find a way for users to save their own decks/songs. That way you don't have to type it in every time... from there, a community for people to share their decks. From there, maybe a separate screen to pull up songs and lyrics so you can sing along to the songs. The chord changes on the lyic.

Wouldn't it be funny that after months of throwing applications at The Muse Group (ultimate guitar), I create their competitor? 

That would be fucking awesome.  

 

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