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I'm not crying, you're crying

 So I go into my spam folder of my Rukus email, right? Totally aloof, what could possibly be hiding here. Probably something silly and explicit like my other spam folders on my soldout emails. 

 

Dude. This guy FOUND me, through the newspaper article I was in, and reached out about a super cool super fancy convention in SAN FRANSISCO and wants to chat about something... idk. I started crying. Just to be recognized like that for the work I'm doing feels really special.

I had to hire some help to finish Playlist and Custom because it is beyond what I have the time and expertise to accomplish right now. My babe is 18 months old and hopping, running, skipping, jumping, just a total force of nature and I am loving every second of it. But there is absolutely no way I could continue to build the app like I was doing when she was 5/8 months old. The transition to toddlerhood is a whole new level of sleep deprivation and emotional regulation. I am staying consistent, however. Small things here and there. Things are taking longer than I had hoped, which gives me anxiety at times. Can you keep a secret? If I make it in this long annoying paragraph, maybe Google won't find me... as I type this on a Google platform... heh... I published the app before it was ready. Yikes. Yeah. There's a buggy app out there. Not proud of it. But dude! Finding 12 fuckin people and tracking usage for 14 days was HARD and I did it 4 times!! 

The anxiety has been so much that I don't even want to look at the apps. I don't even want to look at Apple, at Google, I have been sort of avoidant because I feel I'm juxtaposed between being so close to done but I have so much left to do before I am there. I just want to be there... but these buttons need to be done.

Meeting with my helper tonight. We are very close. I'm excited. I have some high hopes about this email I found that I need to calm down a little bit because I'm making literal ass for money. I guess I just had this dream of seeing myself speaking at this fancy event with the lanyard and everything telling my story and felt like... fuck I want THAT. 

 Anyway. Thanks for sticking with me, void. We're almost there. Hangin' on. 


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